Wow this was a big decision to make, I had to decide that I could and wanted to continue on. I had to fully appreciate why I am here. I wrote this letter on our free day at the hot springs. Contemplating my true reasons for being here...
I do want to be here. Why do I want to be here? Because I chose this. I chose to be in this beautiful countryside. When I first found out I had won I ran into the mailroom and jumped around yelling `Im going to Peru, Im going to Peru`. This is not a trip I would of organised on my own. But one that I want to make the most of. I knew that I would be faced with personal struggles and difficult questions. This is one of them. Do you still want to go on? One of the issues I wanted to face was that I give up too easily. I join the gym, go for a few weeks then give up. I get up early to exercise then after a week I give up. I make excuses Im too tired, I had a late night, my knee hurts! When the going gets tough I give up. I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP THIS TIME. I know I can do this. I have already done 6 walks and a few of them were really hard but I did them. I can physically do this, its the mental part I have to work with. This is definately a mind game and for me the easiest thing would be to drop out. But that is taking the easy way out. I did this to challenge myself, I did this to learn more about myself, I did this so I could grow! I didnt do this because it would be easy and I had to do it. This whole journey was meant to be a away to push myself and to help others.
For me I dont think its about the views, they are beautiful and I appreciate them but this is about meeting the challenges thrown in front of you and to appreciate the outcome at the end. Nature has thrown these mountains in our path but has also helped us through her territory. The sun has shone everyday, the rain fell and meant that we would consider the possibilty of a rest day. A day to get us back on track. A day to remember why we are here, but also the opportunity to make a decision of where our path will go next. Nature is helping us as much as possible, making the path a less challenging one, so that we can enjoy what there is to offer. Nature is helping us because we are helping nature. We are helping by appreciating what is shown to us, by appreciating the struggles `life` goes through to survive. The little dandelions that grow low to the ground so they wont get destoyed in the wind. The wool the sheep grow to keep them warm in the cold wind, rain and snow. There are struggles everywhere in life. Life isn`t meant to be easy. This trip isn`t meant to be easy. We will struggle, but we will get through, I WILL GET THROUGH, just like that flower can bloom in harsh conditions, I will bloom in less than harsh conditions.
I have good gear, good food and good help I WILL GET THROUGH. I will do this not because I have to but because I want to. I was given the opportunity that not many people in the world can say they were given. I`m not going to do this because I will feel like a failure or that I have let people down by dropping out. I am going to do this because I want to. Shit I am scared, actually I was scared. I have no reason to be scared anymore because I know I can do it. I have nothing to be scared of anymore. I have myself to pull me through. I don`t want to rely on others but I will if I need to. I need to have courage, strength, determination, knowledge that I can achieve. I want to share my stories with others. I want to be a role model, I want to be able to describe the struggles I went through. I want to be able to say `shit life isn`t easy, but if you have the will, you will succeed`. I have to be confident in who I am, I have to be confident in what I can achieve. I am a strong person. I do want to continue, but I want to continue for the right reasons, I want to continue with the understanding that this is the right thing for me to do. I need to have faith and belief in myself. I can and will achieve this. I am doing this for me and I`m in Peru for God`s sake and it was a hell of a journey to get here in the first place. I need to appreciate what I am doing and where I am. It is a barren landscape but all over the place beauty is scattered. The yellow, blue, purple, white, red tiny flowers, the flowing rivers, the magnificent snow capped peaks, the aquamarine lakes. This is a magnificent world and I need to appreciate it more.
I don`t like being cold and I don`t like being out of breath, I don`t like struggling and I don`t like not knowing what is ahead. But that is life!!! No one can tell you your future only you know what path you are going to take that will shape your future and you will always come across people, issues, situations that you don`t like, but guess what, you cant always run away from them, you have to learn to deal with them, and the best way is to look at everything in a positive way! If I knew what was ahead, how would this change my life? It wouldn`t make it any easier, I would still have to do it. Not knowing is a good life lesson, as no-one knows what will be ahead for them in life.
As you can see I decided to stay and I know this is the right decision!!!